I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
