My nipple is on Facebook.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
