Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
