they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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