Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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