You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
