If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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