you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
