I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
