I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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