You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
