i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
