Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
