I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
