it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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