There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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