She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
