I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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