yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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