apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
