No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize