so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
