we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
