You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
