When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love having hate sex.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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