Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am available for nakedness
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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