dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
