if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
