I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
