you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
