Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
