I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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