So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
