i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
