i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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