I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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