I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
