my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
