Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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