I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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