Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
