in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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