I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
