Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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