Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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