Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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