you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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