I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
