just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
