Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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