Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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