we have officially lost it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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