Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
