I heard we made out
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
