is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
