so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
